Rotten grapes

About, say, two weeks ago, I bought grapes. We stopped real quick at a Shop Rite (that Joe hates going to but I like), and got some healthy food for me to eat over the weekend when Joe was going away for work. I have always loved grapes, one of my favorite snacks. As a grown up I feel like the prices of grapes just keep getting higher and higher (which makes me sad), so I don’t buy then very often. When I see them on sale, it’s a big deal.

So I saw these grapes, and I wanted them so bad. I picked my favorite bunch, bagged them, and on we went. I snacked on the grapes throughout our shopping trip (I’ve always done this, have you?), and even introduced Joe to the sport. Oh, I forgot, they were $4.99/lb, so I even weighed them before I put them in my shopping cart. I thought to myself, okay, these are going to be expensive, but maybe I can eat half a pound before we leave the store and pay less (poor person rationing).

So I ate about 10 grapes, I had Joe eat some too, I even stopped our cart leaving the frozen food aisle and mumbled under my breath, “eat some grapes so we don’t have to pay as much” – wow, I am actually admitting to my dirty ways. I was (and still am) clearly obsessing over these grapes. I’ll add too, that when at the deli counter, we got organic turkey breast for me, but Joe ordered, and I quote, “a half pound of the cheapest bologna you got.” ..SO there’s that ($1.40).

Somehow our quick little “essentials” shopping trip turned into a $70 bill, which bummed me out. I had just spent $60 I didn’t have at Barnes & Noble on some Christmas gifts, so I was feeling a little boo hoo. On the way out, I grabbed the receipt and looked for the price of the grapes, we spent a little over $8.. $8.23 to be exact. Damn, well, let it be worth it, right? They were big, plump, explode in your mouth, seedless grapes.

So to the moral of my story, these grapes sat in our crisper drawer over the weekend Joe was away. They sat there the the next week too, and one day Joe says to me “you know you have these grapes in here” — I said “oh yeah, I know.” — Why was I saving the grapes? Why wasn’t I eating the grapes? Why do I do this with produce that is going to rot? I save it? Like an idiot, until it’s no longer edible. I do this shit all the time. It is almost too special for me to eat, and then I end up losing the whole game.

So after Christmas I said to Joe, while at the fridge, “hey, can you wash those grapes?” — I was worried it might be game over, but feeling kind of hopeful (since they weren’t organic) that some kind of chemical something might have kept them edible. He washed them, brought them over to me, and needless to say, they were sad and pathetic. Nothing like the shining must have grapes I met two weeks ago, and paid $8.00 for.

So here is the moral of my story, in this bright and shiny New Year of 2016, I won’t take my fresh produce for granted. I won’t save things that are good for me for another time, when I might need or deserve it more, RIGHT NOW. I will eat those fresh grapes when I want them, when they are fresh and delicious. I will carpe diem the mother fucking shit out of those grapes, because I DESERVE IT. It’s so sad to see something that was once so beautiful so shriveled up and rotten. SAD SAD SAD.

Currently, they are sitting on our kitchen table, decaying. Joe set up a little spread yesterday when we were watching LOTR, he included the bowl of grapes. I ate around it, oh did I, chips, pretzels, cookies.. I literally took my finger to a bowl of dip and licked it clean. I didn’t touch the grapes. They were over. Poor little things, screaming at me, “how could you??” — they could have made it into a boxed lunch, or be served with a plate of cheese, or frozen and dropped into a cup of white wine for a Christmas Eve celebration. I failed us all. It makes me sad for the grapes, but mostly sad for me.

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