Tag Archives | Journal 017

Hungry for everything ~

I have reoccurring dreams(nightmares) about being in the basement of my childhood home. Some times people from my current circle are there, and I am showing them something or hiding something from them. The same furniture is there, the drawings on the wall, the musty smell, the scary piles of things from my parents life before I was a part of it, it was a really scary and imaginative basement, and I think about it sometimes but dream about it often. I also dream about Taylor Hanson often. Last night I was near the basement with Taylor Hanson (in a dream).

I wish I was back in California sometimes, so far from where I am now, but still near the water. The water there was different than the water here, it was cold and silkier and full of seaweed. I wish I was having a steak dinner tonight with a baked potato wrapped in gold foil, ordering a bottle of champagne for the table, filled with old friends and new friends.

It’s gotten to the point in New Jersey where the air is so cold it’s making my forehead skin feel like it’s going to tear in half. I have taken to rose hip oil to moisturize, we will see if it helps. I don’t mind the winter as much as I hate dry skin. I read it’s bad for oily/acne prone skin, but I really don’t even know my skin type. It’s skin type Ashley, sometimes this sometimes that.

Joe just made coffee and I asked for a cup, but he used this Stop&Shop tin and it’s so nutty and nasty that I can’t even deal. I am getting hungry now. I wasn’t hungry a few minutes ago but it can happen so quickly. It’s a whole new kind of hunger, it’s a I NEED TO EAT RIGHT NOW OR I MIGHT DIE kind of hunger.

Stinky won’t leave me alone, he wants on my lap, but the laptop is on my lap, and there is no room. So he sits at my feet and whimpers. He stopped now so I should stop talking about it so I don’t jinx it.

I need to clean up the debris of random Christmas gifts that is on the coffee table and around the tree. I have been putting it off for days, once it’s done it will be such a huge sense of relief. So many travel sized lotions, I don’t use them and I don’t want them.

I am day 5 into my 366 project. So far so good. I can’t wait to be a month in. I need to get a little more creative with my shots, which will happen in time, but that also means going outside or getting ready and looking the part. Oh well. I don’t really care that much anyway.

There are so many open projects in my life right now I don’t know what to really dedicate myself to next, I want to go hard and full hearted into something, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to share it with people around me because then I end up talking to them more then doing what I want to do and then when they let me down I am disappointed. My success is only up to me, and I need to make the right choices for myself and my family. I can’t believe in 4 months I will either be a mother or be approaching my due date so rapidly. The measurements from our last ultrasound put us at May 3, but we are keeping May 7. The baby will come when it comes. That’s my biggest open project, huh?

I am so hungry right now. Time to eat.
I still haven’t tried Oreo Thins, wtf is up with that?


Pink dress and a cat, Madonna Inn, California
After a dinner with a baked potato with gold foil

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