What the Hel-latte

You may or may not know this about me yet, but I am a seasoned barista. I worked in cafes in historical New Jersey, Philadelphia, and Brooklyn. I have consumed coffee in cities all over America and I have trained and pleased and worked with many other interesting coffee people.

Now, riddle me this, why is it whenever I go ahead and splurge for a $4.00 coffee drink out its made wrong? Point incase, right now, I am at Barnes & Noble in the Monmouth Mall. I ordered an even keel latte, and what I got is a drink that doesn’t even exist in the world of coffee. It’s basically over heated milk, with an inch of foam. The milk doesn’t even taste like it mixed right with the espresso, the foam isn’t even foamed in the micro fashion that a latte should be. I really am not the kind of person to bring it back, give me another 5 years and I will have the maturity to deal with it.

Right now, my drink’s foam looks like dish soap. The bubbles are so large. It’s just not a latte dammit. I just I shouldn’t expect much but the reason I was driven to go here is because I have been such a cheap skate I haven’t even wanted to buy things out like this because it happens so much so I treat myself and this happens again.

When I ordered even keel she was like “a what?” I said “an even keel latte” — “yeah, but like, what goes in that?” .. I said, “it’s half decaf half regular.” — “oh, okay.” .. Right now I am glaring over at her and she’s telling her co worker some stupid story and I just want to be like “Why don’t you practice your micro foam” … Sorry I am clearly feeling like a big old biatch right now but it’s just not that hard to make a latte right, especially when you are using the Starbucks brand, you should just practice it. Then know it.

I’ll also add that I am here while Joe works nearby, and I am working on my resume. I hate working on my resume, I look at my most recent resume and want to slap myself. I just hate doing resume and hate the whole job search. It’s hard for me to talk about myself, let alone be smart and analytical about the jobs I’ve had. Okay, back to work.

EDIT — Okay I am back, I am listening to a man go through a job interview a few tables away from me. Listening is an over statement, I am overhearing key words like “social media” — “theatre” — “MTV” “Jeff Beck” “Jonny Lang” etc. He is a man in his late 40s, seems to be in some kind of production, interviewing with two suits who both got large earl grey teas. It seems like a job I could work with too, whatever they are looking for. Getting out of the house today was a really good thing for me. I am making progress on my resume, so back I go.

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