Tag Archives | Journal 020

Ice Cream > Excited > Anxiety

During my on-going quest to be a balanced and functioning member of society, I am trying to let go of the idea of being anxious. I know it’s more than an idea, physically, but really – it’s just an idea .. that-can-sometimes-carry-itself-away-into-the-darkest-heaviest-cloud-of-all-sorts-of-messed-up-scenarios-and-sagas, but at the end of the day, an idea. So as we get further along in the year, closer to baby being born, closer to store opening for it’s second summer season, I am trying to replace the “anxiety” with “excitement” … if I start this mission strictly with spoken word, at least it’s a start right? I have always been a firm believer in needing to be the good you want to see in this world, and setting a positive example for yourself.. although usually these peppy statements are only said to a friend while rallying around them.

I was having a bad day this week, maybe it was Wednesday .. I can’t remember(it was definitely Wednesday), and I was on the phone with one of my closest girlfriends. I was kind of hating on myself for over feeling so sluggish when there is so much to do, explaining to her that I beat myself up over and over about weeks going by when I feel like I just can’t catch up with the tasks on my lists and the work that needs to be done, and ultimately the fear that soon I will have a newborn and wish I could go back to “that one Wednesday” and really work my ass off. Because I have been there so many times, wishing I could go back and do this that and the other thing when I had more time and when I lived here or lived there or visited here or visited there.. but … I know… hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, Mandy(that gf), told me to just take it easy. To just rest. That if she was 7 months pregnant and telling me that she was feeling this exact way I would be telling her to take it easy, get under covers, and rest. That I should take my own advice. So I did. Then, I worked my ass off the next two days and it felt good and I got so much done. So there’s that.

Tomorrow is Easter, I’m looking forward to it. We aren’t opening the store, opting instead for a relaxed morning at home (with some yard work) and CBS Sunday Morning, followed by Easter dinner at the in-laws. Photos from Easter 2012 and 2013 are up on OURBK, made me nostalgic for all sorts of things. Our family always had such a nice time on this holiday. It has always held more significance than Christmas for me, about rebirth and being together, fresh flowers, birds, and a little bit of warmth entering the air. I will always miss my Nana on Easter and thats all I can say about that without my eyes welling up with tears, so I’ll stop.

I just had a nice little flurry of customers. That was nice. I love talking to new people. I’m closing up in 30 minutes to run home and deal with some things, before I head off to get my hair cut. It needs it soo bad I am ridic excited to get rid of all the dead. My hair is nearly to my waist and thicker than it’s ever been (thanks baby), but it needs some serious taming. Afterward I am picking Joe up from work and then we have a few tentative plans up in the air. Under normal circumstances I might be a curmudgeon about going home so I can sleep after the past few hectic days, but homegirl about to have some fresh hair!!! you know I need to get my groove on.

I also need to get new sunglasses because I am so over my current pair. My face is fatter rounder than it’s ever been, which make my current sunglasses make me look like a wacked out beatnik wannabe. Maybe they did gave me this look before my face got fat round, but now I can’t stand it and now that it’s getting nice out I just want to look cute in sunglasses. These ones were purchased for my wedding day (and then I lost my everyday sunglasses and have been wearing these ever since). I have a large head which has always made sunglass shopping difficult, but when you find the right pair.. it’s magic. I keep calling myself fat face and Joe hates it. But really, I can’t wait to lose this baby weight. I’m not obsessing over it but I really am already feeling super motivated to get back to an agreeable size. Okay, it’s time for me to close up.

PS- currently listening to an old mix, just had “Blurred Lines” followed by “Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe” and now I got “Green Garden” pumping and I am dancing and shaking my head (with a big old bun on top) like a maniac, if anyone peeks their head in here they will be quite amused.

PPS- Why did I spend 10 minutes looking at Yelp photos of Halo Pub’s ice cream? This is a place I worked for years in my late teens, and now I’d do weird things for a cone of chocolate and cherries.

mentioned glasses and healthy hair on my wedding day | a little baby hyacinth in my front garden | wall next to my desk, artwork by my brother (and Charles Schulz)

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