okay so here i am again because after i published that last blog, i thought way too long and hard about what i just did. do i really want to blog? is it worth my time? am i too annoying, i am annoying myself, was that weird? etc. i got some great feedback from girls that i really admire so that makes it all a YES ASHLEY, KEEP GOING. but then, i also realized that i want to just provide more insight into how i am feeling (how needy and whiny am i right now?), but i am not trying to be this or that, finding your tone and your voice is hard work, so is self editing, it’s all something that i have been struggling with as i try to really hone in on my writing and make it count. so bare with me (or give me advice!)
i needed to shake things up so bad i compulsively went and got bangs chopped because when you need to change your life, change your hair, right? also, i am home alone by myself a lot, in-between doing baby things, with down time (my mom gave me a mini lecture yesterday on how i need to learn how to nap, and to nap when he does, even though i have stuff to do, i just can’t right now!) so why not write or focus on this.. even if a post takes me 3 days to finish.
at this moment in time, the galaxy is doing some groovy things, planets are direct, the moon is full, we can see about 5 plants in the sky right now (although it was so cloudy last night that the moon was a glow behind the murky sky, maybe we can get a glimpse tonight?) .. seeing those planets (or them seeing us?) is rare and awesome. it’s a wolf moon (in Cancer), which means be courageous, try new things and be brave while doing it. so i’m going to do that, k?
i’m also watching the entire series of Girls in preparation for the final season. totally forgot jessa and shosh are cousins..!
^^ .. oh yeah, i told joe i was writing a rebuttal to that last post.. and he seemed confused and concerned that i was possibly misusing the word, idk joe, maybe you weren’t confused or concerned. but what i mean is something like …..
can’t stand myself. can’t stand other people. i cringe when i read over things i wrote, and you probably do too, and i can’t blame you. the blogging / micro blogging world is so over satured now it’s basically uninspiring, it’s all tired. what i post, what you post, what she posts, he posts, blah blah blah. i have been posting my thoughts / photos for .. lemme do the math, nearly 18 years now? that makes it legal! ha ha, bad joke. anyway, sorry for posting, but bare with me as i try to be as non-cringeworthy as possible. this is going to be a process.
i feel like i am at an all you can eat chinese buffet and i just keep eating so i don’t have to get up and leave because not only do i not think i have enough in my wallet but i’ll also be sick for days. being a stay at home mom and a work from home mom is no joke. thank the lord my computer is now here!
sink full of dishes, baby toys all over the place, freezing cold cement floors, tarps covering all the stuff outside, never ending stacks of things to donate/return. forming my own version of the magic art of tidying up but it’s just usually a mess you know what i mean? laundry laundry laundry we’re almost out of laundry detergent let me add it to the list, lists for days lists for days.
a favorite writer of mine documented her life through 59 published BOOKS – and never really mentioned her husband, because he was a private man and their relationship was private. before this, you may know, i have put a lot about J and me out here, on ourbklyn and social media, etc. our marriage and relationship is so real and private (captianette obvious over here, i know), my point is, i am going to work on being less open with it. whatever you do see of us, has always kind of been a (spoiler alert) caricature of who we really are, and it’ll still usually be that way, but just less of it.
my son is my best friend.
friendship:
see above. ..and below 🙂
right now:
finally taking down all these f’ing christmas ornaments. stinky and pippen just had a legitimate hissing and barking tangled up brawl under the couch (dog crawled under like a momo when cat was already under, joe had to lift the couch up to get them to stop) .. watching the first episode of west world for the third time because i just haven’t been able to focus on it during previous attempts (although i’m finally understanding) .. drinking so much water because i’ve had that chilly spine all day which usually means i am coming down with something, and i am so not in the mood. oh yeah, watched the bachelor tonight and nick sounds like he has marbles in his cheeks when he talks. just realized i mentioned three different TV shows in this post, i watch(listen) to a lot of TV and cable costs so much f’ing money, i just want to get rid of it all. we tried to cancel cable and they wouldn’t let us! they said it only costs an extra PENNY to have cable if you have the internet .. so we still have it, but i’m tired of it… i want cancel it all, but i’ll miss it, but i’ll get other stuff done..